Viktor E Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, said, “Those who have a why to live by, can bear with almost any how.”
There are many moments where we will ask, “Can I bear this one minute longer?” There are days we will have to decide—just make it to tomorrow. This is when our why we are doing FIFO becomes so important.
Creating goals and having a powerful why, will prove invaluable for the whole family—everyone will feel that the sacrifices demanded by FIFO life are, or will be, worth it. I will share in this chapter what our family did, and what I have done with other coaching clients and FIFO families. I will show you how to create meaningful and exciting goals that keep you focused on your why.
I did my goal setting process with Paddy a few years ago. Even though he had spoken with many of the people I had coached and had understood they found success and satisfaction in their lives, he still doubted it was something he needed. One day when he was at home on R & R, I kept asking him if he was free to get this done. Finally, he said he had five minutes to spare. I asked him to sit down in the client chair in my office and answer some questions. He half smiled, controlled the eye roll, and knew it was no use putting it off any longer.
How to find your why
I explained to Paddy that the main reason to do this was to get us both on the same page about how we saw our future. I felt this was a good time as in the previous six months I had watched him undervalue himself, lose some of his self-confidence due to the pressure of being away, missing us terribly, and being messed around by everything from accommodation, travel arrangements, to employers. He needed to refocus and have something meaningful to reach for.
I began asking him to tell me what he was really good at and interested in, what was most important to him and what it was he wanted in the next couple of years. He struggled with the what was the most important so I did a values exercise with him that I have outlined for you in this chapter.
He seemed to look at me as if I was talking in another language, yet humoured me with nodding and smiling at the correct moments. Paddy then listed some one and two-year goals, including a motor bike, to play golf more often, buy a house, holidays, health, and fitness achievements—all the usual stuff. I then asked about career. He replied that it would be the same as what he was doing now.
I can see and feel if a statement they make inspires someone or if they are defeated or passionless. It is deeper than a tone, volume, or pitch of voice. When something clicks for someone it is like a light goes off behind their eyes, their spine straightens, their skin glows, their lips turn up at each side and their eyes widen. There was no click there for Paddy.
I asked him to dig deep and imagine what it was he would really like to be doing in his career. His response, “It will take about eight years for me to get there, you just don’t understand the mining industry.” I silently counted backwards from five, put on my calm face, and resisted the urge to say to him that I might not understand the industry but I do understand human behaviour, how focus creates supreme results and the power and science behind goal setting. “But what if it could happen,” I said. “Just imagine for a moment that it could and did. You are studying, you work hard, you have lots of experience—what does your ideal career look like?”
Paddy knew it would be no use to dig his heels in, especially as he was in the client chair. He went on to tell me the position he wanted. As he spoke I could see the inspired light, his back straightened and his eyes widened. I wrote what he described in the two-year column, to which he shook his head at me. I was persistent. “You have to truly believe this can happen, just imagine what if it could? Imagine it for me. Imagine it for our family. Believe it for you.”
We wrote out the goals, personal and professional, and his values, in a language that resonated for him. I supported and encouraged him and over the next months, he reviewed his goals regularly. When we reviewed his goals around the two- year mark, to his surprise, he had achieved all those goals and a couple more. Paddy is clever and hard working, and I am so proud of him, yet it takes a team, dedication, and belief to realise you can achieve what you imagine, and then the energy goes where the attention flow.
Values
What are most important are our values. They are what we believe are essential in the way we live and work. Our values determine our priorities and the way we talk to others and ourselves. Deep down, they’re the measures we use to gauge if we are successful or not, and if we are happy and satisfied, or not…..
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